Breakups can be incredibly difficult. The end of a romantic relationship brings fear of the unknown, many “would-haves” or “should-haves”, and intense feelings of loss. Do not use this pain to justify a relapse; use this pain to create something beautiful with your life. Sure, the relationship is over and done and you’re hurt. Accept that the pain is temporary and move on. It is very important to deal with the breakup as healthily and quickly as possible, and to always put your sobriety as the number one thing in your life.
Feel the Pain, but Don’t Wallow
Do not try to resist the pain of a breakup. It hurts. This is a normal human reaction to the loss of a romantic relationship. Psychological discomfort is completely natural and is part of the normal grieving process; don’t be too hard on yourself! Unbearable suffering can occur if you resist this type of pain. Remember that it will get better soon.
If you loved someone, you are going to feel pain after a breakup. In fact, it would be very abnormal if you didn’t feel bad! Be comfortable being uncomfortable and try not to wallow in the pain. There is no right way or wrong way to recover from a breakup, but there are a couple things to avoid. If checking their social media, wearing old clothes, or romanticizing a future with them is painful, then you must do everything in your power to redirect these thoughts when they occur. Think about the future. Be your best friend.
Show Yourself Some Love
Become an expert in self-compassion. Don’t allow negative self talk to dominate your head. Any time you have a negative thought or start obsessing about the past or your ex, change your inner dialogue to words filled with love, self-encouragement, and a promise of a better future. Don’t “pain-shop” by looking at the pictures you took together or their social media profiles. Exes are exes for a reason.
This is a powerful tool used by thousands of people going through a breakup, regardless of whether or not they are in sobriety. Mindfulness is rather simple in theory but can often be difficult to practice:
• Observe your thoughts, emotions, and feelings in a more objective way. Do not think of them as your own thoughts. Just observe and let them pass.
• Here is a Buddhist metaphor: people are often hit with two arrows, when they only need to be hit by one. The first arrow is the event, and the second is the pain attached to the event. The second arrow is the unnecessary pain caused by resistance to the event. One of the main goals of mindfulness is to avoid the pain of the second arrow and to relish in the first. The pain passes faster if you are only hit with one.
Go to More AA Meetings
During this difficult time, you need to surround yourself with like-minded sober people. Don’t text your ex or their family asking for a second chance. Take comfort in the fact that millions of people have gone through breakup and heartbreak and have come out on the other side as better people. Hang out with your family and friends and do your utmost to avoid isolation or isolating activities. This is paramount to your success in early recovery.
Sobriety is Your Number One Priority
Even though a breakup can be very painful, sobriety should remain your number one priority. Do not feel embarrassed about the breakup, no matter what you said. What is in the past is in the past and you must look towards the future for growth. Learn from the experience and think about the lessons your learned in the relationship. It can be a tempting thing to blame the other person, but it takes two to tango; consider the part you played in the relationship and then take ownership for your actions. Remember: there’s a difference between taking ownership and wallowing in self-pity.
Sober Companion and Sober Coaching Services
If you or a loved one is going through a breakup in early recovery, a sober escort, companion, or coach can help you transition from the early phases of post-treatment into a healthy and sober life. We are addiction specialists that have experience in every part of the healing process; from intervention and rehabilitation, all the way to post-treatment and recovery care monitoring, Recovery Care Partner is here to get you or your loved one that is struggling with addiction back on their feet.Learn More
An adverse impact of a drug-filled life can result in the loss of friendship and families, the loss of joy in activities that used to bring you happiness, and a complete sense of disassociation. Sometimes knowing that you are not alone in your struggles can help you realize that someone has been through exactly what you are going through. There are quite a few books written on recovery, and reading about others’ experiences with addiction can help you relate and make you feel not-so-alone.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
The gold standard of alcoholism recovery literature, the Big Book is one of the best-selling books of all time, having sold 30 million copies worldwide. In this tome, it describes the process of how thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism and shares many personal stories describing such. This book is used in multiple 12-step programs to help people recovery from eating disorders, drug addiction, love addiction, gambling addiction and other disorders. Time magazine placed this book amongst the top 100 most influential books written in English since 1923. In 2012, it was designated as one of the 88 “Books that shaped America” by the Library of Congress.
Gun, Needle, Spoon
Written by Patrick O’Neil, this book details O’Neil’s massive consequences associated with his drug abuse. To support his heroin habit, O’Neil would commit armed robberies to fuel his addiction. After being busted for several armed robberies, he was incarcerated for quite a few years. This incarceration led him to a life of recovery and rehabilitation, one which he writes extensively about in this novel.
How to Grow Up
A memoir written by Michelle Tea, this book details the harsh realities that often come with alcoholism: several broken relationships, empty bottles around the house and the sink, cigarette butts on the floor, and maggots in the fridge were just a few of the consequences associated with her disease. This book is a how-to manual describing how to get what we really want out of life: a child, a good job, and a spouse are all attainable if an addict decides to stop drinking for good.
Clean: Overcoming Addiction
This is a great book on what addiction is and why it can happen to anybody. Why does it happen to so many Americans and what are the socio-economic factors? It touches on the latest research and discoveries and explores the futility of the war on drugs. This book is a great foundation to build upon as addicts discover why addiction entered their lives in the first place.
Addiction Consulting Services
Recovery Care Partner is your go-to resource for addiction recovery in Washington, DC and many other states. We offer options ranging from intervention and post-treatment support to sober companions and sober transport. Visit our contact page or call us at (855) 727-2887 to learn more about our services.